just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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