Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
