I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my phone needs a breathalizer
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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