so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
