Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
