Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
