I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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