They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
