No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
