gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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