I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
