And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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