Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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