She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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