i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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