make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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