I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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