Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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