thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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