Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
