Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
