What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
