You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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