Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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