I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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