I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
