Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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