Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
is that a dick in a sweater?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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