You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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