They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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