I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
