Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
