At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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