Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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