im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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