i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
