dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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