Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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