i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have post one night stand depression
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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