so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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