I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
