I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's like iHOP with fire
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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