Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
