nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
