you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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