It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
