do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
