Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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