My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
