Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
