i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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