i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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